When Everything Goes Wrong
- kathrynkanzler
- 2 days ago
- 2 min read
It doesn’t always matter how hard you try. When it all goes wrong, it doesn’t mean you went wrong.
You can do everything right and all the wrong things may still happen.
You checked the boxes. You studied hard. You applied on time. You were gracious and kind.
You followed all the rules and listened to good advice. You did everything right. And still, it all hits the fan.
You were told no. You didn’t get the job, the grant, the promotion. You got rejected from the program. The relationship ends. The surgery doesn’t heal properly. The physical therapy doesn’t seem to be working. Your kid continues to ignore you. Your car breaks down.
This doesn’t mean you failed.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have tried.
This doesn’t mean it was all a waste.
The Just World Fallacy — which most of us were raised to believe — says that good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. So we try very hard to be good, and yet bad things happen. And we only have ourselves to blame.
Even when you know it’s a myth, the whisper emerges from your lips, “It’s not fair.”
Sometimes it’s not a whisper. Sometimes it’s yelling and swearing. It’s so unfair.
And you are correct. The problem is we ever thought life would be fair. When it seems fair, be skeptical. It’s probably an illusion.
You can do everything right and still experience wrongs.
We can’t always focus on the outcome. We have to focus on the process — on the living.
Did you enjoy checking the boxes? Was it gratifying to follow the rules? Were you happy to write the application? Did your kind words reflect your values?
The living, the doing, and the being are all we can control. Not so much the outcomes.
So keep being good. Keep doing things you love. Keep doing the right things, if they are right, and it won’t matter so much
when everything goes wrong.
kek
Note: This post was initially published on my Medium site.
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